Motivation

Well its hardly been an hour or two since Bryan spoke about motivation and although it hasn't sunk in yet it has struck alot of chords, and right now I'm feeling very empowered so thought id right stuff down so that later on i can read back and re empower myself, might think twice later about saying somethings as they are just coming out, so i hope that you can make sense of things.

I think that i have a few problems, the biggest is being able to evaluate myself,

so lets start.

So when Bryan said think, i could not think about anything, everything but think about the task at hand. i was desperately trying to think about what i was unhappy about, and it dawned on me, that it was that. i didn't like thinking about myself.

PAIN :

• Admitting to myself the blame that i place upon myself, of which there is alot. should i have done this, feeling bad that i didn't do thats, or i should have done this. i wouldn't call it regrets but i would definitely say beating myself up, and paying enough attention and making the changes.
• Fear of having to improve, or the fear of working to improve. perhaps this is more laziness or I'm just used to following my old patterns.
• Failure. A biggy this one, i often think that I'm so afraid of failure i don't push myself or try many new things outside my comfort zone. a good example of this was when i spoke about independent seat, the first thing i said was about not being sure if i had done this right, i knew that i had (in my opinion, yes i could have put more depth into it, but i wanted to cover as much very quickly), but back to my point i was perhaps setting myself up for failure, the thing that I'm most afraid of, and later at the end wasn't able to actually converse with people about my feeling that an independent seat wasn't a finite and could always be improved on, and so perhaps never truely achieved. - maybe a bit of a rant but that's been bothering me alot.

PLEASURE:

• Not Worrying. I'm thinking that the saying ignorance is bliss applies perfectly to thins.
• Easy Life. not having to make hard conscious efforts to change.

Threshold Pain:

• Lack of Happiness. This is a main factor, so until something really bothers me, it could get left. tidying the garage is a good example, it needs to be done, quite desperately but i haven't started, all i do is curse myself for not doing it, even a little often would help but no.
• Plays on my mind. Perhaps another way of describing lack of happiness.
• a deadline. a real motivator for me, ok I'm not last minute but i am towards the end, like i could have had the garage done a few weeks ago, but it will get done now due to Sara's parents coming over.

Long term happiness

• To admit my faults properly and to work on them I'd definitely have:

1. more inner happiness
2. more motivation
3. much more time
4. more fulfilment
5. more confidence
6. perhaps more success.

ok, i realise that theres is alot there, worded poorly but it makes some sense to me. i think that to actually evaluate myself i could work on the niggly things which would over time make a big difference.

now i could go into lots of details but I'm trying not to be an 'oh no'. so, what can i do ?

right now I'm thinking look at the trees and not the wood. just think about little things, like why i did something specific, and as i do more and more, and make little changes then hopefully ill ask more questions about the bigger picture, and as little things get changed then things will slot into place in the bigger picture.

right well I'm going to leave it at that for now, as I'm sure most of it has turned into the rambles of a very tired person.

so thank you Max, Bryan, and the rest of the group, recently you have all made me realise alot of things, and are affecting me in a very big way.

Things getting on top

well today I was finally able to play with vinur (due to circumstance), and when playing it made me realise how wound up i was and has since made me realise just how much has been getting on top of me, - won't be too much oh no, buts its good for me to vent things so heres a quick list :

1. fed up of the boring, tedious place that i work, where nobody will use common sense to make things easier for everybody, along with the low wages, and ammount of overtime that i'm doing.
2. stress caused by an insurance company which has taken three weeks to get near to a conclusion.
3. annoyance over trying to do something on the horse box, and the lights stop working completely, then to realise today that after i have started to re wire the lights that it was quite probibly a fuse.
4. fathers day.

now to turn just those particular oh nos into oh yeses.

1. at least i have a job, and i have just had some training.
2. will be getting a big sorry from the company
3. at least now the lights will work properly, and i can have faith in them - plus i also enjoy fiddly things, that annoy me and there will be alot of satisfaction when its done.
4. fathers day will soon be gone for another year.

right that my moaning over, looking forward to maries play day on sunday - think it will help me to undwind alot.

planning to have a good session with vinur on friday and the meeting in the evening. home work is comming on well, as long as i'm not pressurised for a quick fast sudden answer i can give a correct answer.

am also looking forward to working evenings next week as i can have a nice early morning ride with vinur (without the mrs nagging me :P)

Vinur

Since the last post our all of us have really been getting into the swing of only having one horse, it is kinda weird having to work around each other, but were getting along fine.

I took Vinur out for a ride the first time ever, Sara has usually been with me on another horse. We did a little friendly, followed by a few other games, heres a photo

We decided to turn left, then suddenly out of nowhere a huge massive tractor with horse eating equipment jumped out of nowhere, Vinur looked, then chewed, and didn’t care as it drove past. He wasn’t sure about a pond straight behind a hedge but with a little encouragement he was fine. After 5 minutes we turned and Vinur, wanting to go went into tölta, so I slowed him we walked then he tried again to tölta.

The rest of the time Sara played with Vinur as I’m working hard on our trailer to get it finished to sell, but I have done little bits here and there with him, but nothing special.

Over the weekend we gave him a good brush and then a bath. I’m only ever used to a horse who loves baths, so I just went along with things, it took Vinur a few moments to relax but he was fine, he wasn’t too happy with water in the beginning of zone once, but with a little retreat and then move very slowly he was allot happier, he was also unsure about his sheath and under the tail being washed, but a little retreat and then slow approach we did what was needed. Photo

I then helped the yard owner setup a caravan awning, Sara and Vinur were stood about 3 metre away and he wasn’t at all bothered when it jumped up and walked over to the caravan. I also forgot to mention that when we were giving Vinur a bath the yard owner drove past twice in his tractor with bales of hay, and although me and Sara stood back ( think we are too used to Charlie) Vinur didn’t care one iota.

and that leads me onto my conclusion, as I’m doing more with Vinur I am finding myself to be so much calmer and relaxed, I don’t have to be on guard for trailers or re-think doing things, Vinur’s energy is so much lower and he goes into a new situation with a calmer more positive energy, if something happens you can work through it rather than just spin and run (obviously a slight exaggeration). But I find Vinur so much easier and willing to work with, whereas with Charlie it was always some sort of dominance game going on, we could never just have fun.

A Brief History of Charlie and Me.

Well it is almost 5 years ago since I got Charlie, my first horse who was sold as a small competition horse. Perhaps with my lack of real riding experience and him being a thoroughbred maybe not a good combination but we got along well.

We had a number of problems during the first winter, such as feeding him too much mix and nuts, he had so much energy, but after learning about feeding correctly he soon calmed down. Through lack of knowledge I just copied the tack which the previous owner had, so flash nose band and martingale. So as Charlie calmed the noseband and martingale came off, and boy was he a different horse because of it.

We spent a lot of time jumping things over the first winter and I played with him loose in the school.

Anyways in the first spring we moved to a dressage yard, and he had a massive field but the yard owner had lots of rules, which didn’t benefit us at all well. Everything had to be done at the same time to every horse, so they all went out at the same time and came in at the same time, all the horses ended up waiting by the gates, same with feeding and this brought out many more vices from Charlie, but there wasn’t much I could do as you needed permission to ride which was rarely given, and should you want to ride during the day the yard owner had to be asked as she had the only key.

As you can guess we didn’t stay long, but it wasn’t all bad as she introduced me to Monty Roberts.

From the dressage yard we went to a DIY yard where there were a few serious jumpers with the odd dressage person, but generally people hacked. and it proved to be a good mix, so we just ended up disappearing for an hour or two every few days into the lanes. It was a shame to leave but a lady was moving to a yard which was much closer to home and they had far more hacking roads.

The first hack I went on was for three hours, and a carriage was in group. It was a much smaller yard so everybody knew each other better, which suited me.

I then met Sara and went on a few courses with Eyjolfur Ísolfsson, who got me really thinking about horsemanship, Sara had done little bits which we tried with the horses, but as soon as there was a problem or the horse could do it lack of knowledge stopped us.

So we took a deep breath and bought a Parelli Pack, we didn’t watch it immediately; we saved it for a week’s holiday when we were in Sweden so we could study it properly. Then when we got back that was it, we went full steam into our horses, ok they developed at different speeds, Charlie took a long time to give sideways but everything else went well, especially the undemanding time, within 5 minutes he was stood over me, smelling and nuzzling everything.

The only negative part of Parelli is that it showed Charlie’s dominant side, which we never fully dealt with, nor ever would as he would always take the game to a new level.

I had lots of plans prior to the sale to Charlie, we wanted to do a video for official assessment and for me to keep, and however by the time we were what I felt ready time was running out. We tried but it wasn’t going to happen, so rather than letting the last days be a fight and us both get nowhere we just had a few hacks.

It was upsetting for Charlie to go especially the last week, but I look back over our time together and smile, my last aim was for us to be partners, but I’m happy with us finishing as good friends.

There’s times when we cried, like when he grazed his leg for the first time and there were thoughts of calling the vet, and times when I laughed like when we galloped through a massive field and did some jumps.

I will miss him terribly, but he’s got a good home with a new herd, and I know he’ll be happy with them.